Oaken's Hot Tub
by Arendeller
Summary: The heroes take a trip to the hinterland and visit Wandering Oaken's Trading Post and Sauna - now with new attractions. Kristanna only.


"It'll be great, Elsa, there's a sauna - Kristoff said he saw a hot tub the last time he went out to the mountains for ice - he has lots of those cute little figurines you like."

Elsa fretted over the stack of papers she held. Many people had addressed her with grievances of damage caused by the winter frost; sheep stricken with frostbite - their wool ruined and unrecoverable; roofs and chimneys damaged by the unanticipated snowfall. A letter from the jaegermeister complained of rabbit broods wiped out and his desire to trap for more in the far southern woodlands. She looked up at Anna, her eyes gllistening with the promise of escape.

"Do they have anything I could read that isn't official?"

"Yeah. Whole shelves full of books."

Elsa cast the sheaf of annoyances into the air and screamed a high note of relief.

"Anna, tell the guard captain we're going out for the weekend."

Anna jumped into the air and turned circles on her heels as she pumped her fists skyward.

"And Kristoff doesn't get to come this time."

"What? Why not?"

"You've been everywhere with him. Now we're going to do something together - just the two of us."

Anna's celebratory dance ceased. She pursed her lips at her sister and sneered. Her eyes rolled down to the floor then back up around to peer at the ceiling, searching for a way to outsmart her sister.

"What if I tell him about your little troll obsession? Hmm? Maybe he could bring a few of them to the palace, to see how everything turned out?"

Elsa sneered at her - outwitted by her younger, she imitated Anna's deplorably inhospitable habit of biting her lip.

"Fine, Kristoff can come too. But no reindeer."

"He has a name, Elsa."

"I draw the line at vacationing with talking deer. This is my final offer."

Anna rolled her eyes once more and turned to leave the room in defeat.

"But Kristoff can bring him if he leaves him downwind."

Anna smiled to herself and swayed out of the room. Her hips twitched to and fro.

* * *

The guards waved reluctantly as their Queen and her retinue set off from the castle gates without them. Kristoff waved back at them in confusion as he accompanied the royal sisters.

"It's a couple of hours to Oaken's even by sled, you know. We probably should've set off earlier in the day. It's going to be dark soon."

Elsa looked over at the Icemaster and smiled.

"That's why I arranged for this."

The three of them turned the corner onto Arendelle's sidestreet. A magnificent carriage pulled by a pair of white horses stood before them. Lanterns hung inside warmly illuminated its cabin.

"The royal carriage? I haven't even seen it since we were little," Anna said.

"Mom and Dad never used it again after I turned 10," Elsa sighed.

The three of them climbed into the carriage and Elsa signaled the driver to be off. He whipped at the reins and the horses bucked and started off with a clattering of hooves upon the stone-lined street.

"So this is how royalty travels."

Kristoff stretched his arm around Anna and pulled her closer to him as the carriage flew toward Oaken's distant trading post. Anna snuggled her cheek up against his chest and looked up at his light brown eyes. Elsa smiled at the two of them and turned to look out the carriage window. The dimming light of late summer's evening was passing into the short, polar night. The smells and noises of summer flooded her senses, so long overtaken with the deadening bore of winter, and suddenly her head felt heavy.

A weariness unlike any she'd felt fell over her in the resplendence of high summer. A dream took her away from the world and she drifted into unconsciousness there on the windowsill.

Kristoff leaned down and kissed Anna; peeking across at Elsa with one eye open to see if she wouldn't notice. Kristoff couldn't help but wonder if he were thought of as a merely utilitarian traveling companion or someone Elsa would be comfortable in seeing mid-canoodle with her only baby sister.

They arrived at Oaken's well after nightfall. Elsa still slept with her head leaned back against the inside of the velvet-lined cabin. Kristoff and Anna slipped out of the carriage as quietly as they could and walked together toward Oaken's. A finger of smoke rose from the chimney and curled between the approaching lovers and tickled their noses with the tantalizing aroma of a host of unknown spices. Anna closed her eyes and inhaled it into her.

"What's that smell? It's better than chocolate! C'mon, Kristoff!"

She grabbed Kristoff by the hand and pulled him along as she ran for the door.

"Ah, jeez, go easy. You've got a strong arm for a girl, you know that?"

Anna skipped up the steps and thrust open the door. Her eyes darted around the room for the burly proprieter.

"Oaken? Are you there? It's Princess Anna."

"Hoo-hoo!"

Oaken peeked out from around the corner and smiled at them. His eyes narrowed as he approached the two of them and he turned his gaze away from Kristoff to focus on Anna.

"This fellow seems familiar to me. He is a friend of yours, Princess?"

Kristoff held his breath.

"Yes." Oaken turned and extended his hand to Kristoff.

"Welcome to Oaken's Trading Post."

Kristoff shook his hand and tried to look away lest he yet be recognized.

"Oaken, what's that amazing smell?" Anna said.

"Oh, you like? It is a new recipe someone has given me. You would want to try some, ja?"

Anna nodded and squeezed Kristoff's hand.

"Of course, yeah, it, uh, it smells delicious," Kristoff sputtered.

Oaken dipped back around the corner and called out to them.

"Come on around, it is a brand new type of meat-cooking, never seen before in these parts, ja."

Anna and Kristoff walked around the corner. In the back room sat a large spit turned on its end inside a kettle on the floor. A huge slab of meat turned on it, sat next to a rack of glowing coals set in front of the fireplace. the meat glistened with grease and Anna's mouth watered.

* * *

Elsa awoke with a start and looked around the cabin, confused, unsure for the moment of her surroundings. Throught the window she saw the carriage driver lead his horses into Oaken's stable. She rubbed her eyes and slowly it all came back to her. She stepped out of the carriage and saw the footman bundling up the horses' tackle.

"The Princess and the ice man have already gone inside, majesty" he said as he continued his work.

"Thank you."

Elsa walked around the other side of the carriage and saw Oaken's, warm and inviting, before her. The same smell which enticed Anna struck her and she slowly walked up to the door. She paused at the door and hesitated. Was it proper to knock, she wondered, or did being Queen absolve her of the politeness customary of her subjects.

"Better knock" she said to herself and rapped at the door.

The door swung open and a field of white appeared. Elsa trailed a line of shirtbuttons upward with her eyes and started back at the sight of Wandering Oaken's giant, bearded, face.

"Hoo-hoo!" he called out. "Are you another visitor or have you only lost your way?"

Elsa took a moment to compose herself and mouthed the words she wished to say silently before speaking them, still surprised by the enormity of the huge man standing in the doorway.

"I am Queen Elsa, of Arendelle. Your Queen, Elsa." She shook the worry from her head. "Is my sister already inside?"

"Oh, The Princess? Ja. Please come in, your majesty."

Oaken bowed as Elsa came past the threshold.

Anna and Kristoff's voices mingled with the musical sound of a woodwind. Elsa walked past the counter and through the door to find the two of them sitting at a table across from a familiar woman playing the pan-pipes, singing in between bites of something that resembled a sandwich.

"Anna?"

Anna turned around. Her cheeks bulged with food, she resembled to Elsa nothing moreso than a chipmunk storing up for winter.

"Elsa, you have to try this," she said.

* * *

"Hi Elsa," Kristoff said, his mouth stuffed with food as much as Anna's. She shook her head at the deplorability of their manners.

"Excuse me, your Majesty," Oaken said from behind her.

Elsa swung out of the way and Oaken stepped past her. He walked over to the spit opposite the fireplace and took from the table a long knife and a plate. With slow strokes he laid into the glistening meat loaf spinning on the spit and let slices of it fall onto the plate. He brought it back to the table and sat down.

"Elsa, you have to try this. Sit down and eat with us," Anna said, her mouth now empty.

Elsa sat in the chair next to the piper and looked out over the table. Funny-looking round loaves of bread, lettuce leaves and onion slices, and a crock of a white sauce all sat around. Anna took a small plate from the center and cracked one of the loaves of bread in half. To Elsa's surprise they were hollow inside. Anna filled the pocket of bread with meat and vegetables and spooned some of the sauce atop it.

"Here, Elsa, you'll love it!" Anna said as she handed her the strange sandwich.

Elsa bit into it gingerly. The lettuce crunched between against soft, pillowy bread. Something tangy inside touched her tongue with a hint of acid and the warm meat, spicy and slick, cleaved easily away as her teeth sliced through it. She swallowed the delicious mouthful and licked some of the white sauce from her lips.

"That was amazing. What's this called?"

"Huh." Anna said. "I don't know. Oaken, what is this stuff?"

The colossal man smiled as he finished a bite of his own and swallowed it.

"The fellow who traded it to me called it kabob."

Anna laughed. Kristoff turned to Oaken with an amused expression.

"Kabob? What did you trade him for it?"

"Oh, that fine necklace the Princess gave me."

Anna coughed and snorted, the sandwich caught in her throat and she exasperatedly pointed her hands at her neck.

"Kristoff, she's choking! Do something!" Elsa shouted.

* * *

Kristoff threw his hands around Anna's stomach and yanked them together against her tummy. Anna coughed and the bite of sandwich lodged in her throat flew out of her mouth.

"Oh, thank you, Kristoff," Anna said as she gasped for breath.

"Oh my, you have saved the Princess!"

Oaken stood up and with a huge grin on his face hugged Kristoff against his massive chest.

"Hey, hey, it's all right. I just removed a kabob, it's not a big deal."

Oaken released him and Kristoff sat down next to Anna again and patted her on the back.

"Well, Anna, now that you've dodged your untimely death by sandwich, would you explain to me what necklace it is Oaken's talking about?"

Anna swallowed the wine she'd only just sipped from her cup and cast her eyes around to the floor.

"Uh, just that little black ribbon one, the crest pendant."

Elsa leaned forward in her chair.

"The one mom gave you when you were 13?"

Anna bit her lip.

"Uh, yes... I had to trade something, Elsa - I didn't have anything else to give him."

Elsa leaned back in her chair and glared down a raised chin at her sister.

"What did you trade it for?"

"A winter dress, and boots, and an ice... tool... thing, and some carrots"

"You traded one of the crown jewels for CARROTS!?"

"Elsa, don't get so mad..."

Elsa stared daggers at her sister and ground her teeth together

"Elsa, your dress." Anna said.

"What?"

Elsa looked down at her chest; the elegant icy dress she'd made herself was melting away from her body. She sprang up from her chair onto the shop floor and ducked behind the knick-knack shelves. Anna ran to the door and gasped at the puddle of water trailing Elsa on the wooden floor.

"Elsa, what happened?

" "I don't know. I can't freeze it!"

Anna turned back to the dining room.

"Um, do you have anything my sister could wear, Oaken?"

He set out onto the shop floor, covering his eyes with his hand.

"My apologies your majesty."

He took down a swimsuit hanging from the wall and handed it to Anna.

* * *

Her eyes cast at floor to avoid further embarassment, Anna brought the swimsuit to Elsa. She stared at Anna, befuddled, when she saw the striped cotton garment in her hands.

"How do I even put that on?"

Anna thought out how she might instruct Elsa in climbing into the suit and thought better of doing so in the middle of the trading post's shop floor. She sighted the door to the sauna and helped Elsa slip in without further revealing herself. Anna stood in front of the window cut into the door and called instructions out to her.

"It's easy. Just step into it and then pull it up. The straps go over your shoulders."

After a minute has passed the doorhandle jiggled; Anna stepped clear and Elsa stepped out onto the shop floor again.

"Did I do it right?"

Anna turned and looked at her sister. Her eyes ran up Elsa's figure like a sleigh tracing the grooves of a cartpath after a fresh snow. The red and white fabric clung tightly to Elsa's breasts and thighs. The horizontal stripes accentuated her bountiful womanliness; broader now in aspect than the provision of nature.

Kristoff peeked out from the door behind Oaken and tilted his head to take in all of her figure. Perhaps sensing Kristoff's eagerness, Oaken suggested a change of scenery.

"You would maybe like to visit Oaken's Hot Tub? It is our newest attraction."

Anna looked at Oaken curiously.

"A hot tub? Like a bath?"

"Ja, but this tub has bubbles, so when you're inside you have good feelings."

Anna turned to her sister and asked permission with her eyes - A hanging-lidded "I'm sorry" of facial contortion.

"Oh, all right."

Anna turned back toward Oaken and bit her lip in excitement.

"Do you have more swimsuits?" "Oh, ja, a selection of colors and styles."

Oaken reached under the counter and pulled a pile of cotton suits out. Anna chose a yellow version and ducked into the sauna to try it on, and posed for the three of them like a girl from one of the castle's paintings.

* * *

Kristoff gave a drawn-out whistle in her direction and Anna blushed and coyly threw her hands up aganist her cheeks.

"Kristoff..." she moaned.

He smiled and sighed as he took all of her in with his eyes.

Oaken stretched his hand out toward the door and gestured to it with an open palm.

"Come outside and we will see the new tub. You are only my second customers to use it."

Anna bounded toward the door, her sister close behind. Kristoff admired the bouncing of their soft round bottoms as they stepped out into the warm summer night; Anna's hips swiveling far less than her big sister's, whose ample posterior swayed hypnotically as she lost himself in trailing her out the door with his gaze until a friendly slap from Oaken rang out on his back. Kristoff blinked back to his senses and followed Elsa and Anna outside.

"Where's the tub?" Anna asked, turning her head this way and that in vain, unable to spot any structure resembling a hollow in the ground which could be filled with water.

Oaken stepped over to what resembled a pile of logs stacked on their ends set into the earth and pulled a tarpaulin from its surface.

"This is Oaken's Tub. Give me a few minutes to make the waters flow and soon it will be hot."

Oaken went around behind the tub and opened the cover of a smaller, metal, box attached to the side of the tub. Aside a small boiler attached to a set of pipes within slumbered a creature with smooth, troll-like features, only glowing orange and mottled with black.

"Hoo-hoo. Wake up little fellow. Customers," Oaken said, and tossed in a kabob sandwich. The little creature stirred to life and glowed brightly as it took the sandwich in its hands and settled against the boiler.

Within a few seconds the sound of splashing arose from the hot tub as bubbles burst from the water's surface. Oaken stuck a finger over the side and tested the water. Seeming pleased he waved to Anna and Elsa to ascend the wooden steps into the tub.

* * *

Anna slipped into the water and sat down on a bench set against the inside. Elsa stepped in after her and sat opposite. Anna panted and wiped an outbreak of sweat from her brow.

"Oh. Summer's a bad time for a hot bath."

Elsa, her own brow beading with moisture, drew her hand up from the water and cast a finger skyward. A sparkling jet of white shot into the sky and erupted into a light snowfall as chilly air descended over Oaken's Trading Post.

Oaken stood near the doorway to the shop with Kristoff and marveled at the sight of snowfall in July once again. Anna waved and called out to him from the tub, swiging her arms in the air excitedly.

"Kristoff, you have to try this, it's amazing!"

Kristoff tore the shirt from his back and treaded eagerly out off the wooden porch to join the girls before Oaken stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Ah. Oaken's Hot Tub is for two occupants only. Since you are a friend of the Princess I will make an exception, on one condition. You must best me in a contest of strength. Whoever wins joins the Princess and the Queen, ja?"

Kristoff glared up at him in confusion and turned to mutter exasperatedly at Anna, still waving to him from the tub.

"You're on!"

Kristoff sat at the table on the porch and planted his arm against the table. A contest of arm-wrestling for tub time with the Princess and the Queen was more than he could have ever hoped for when they appeared at his door. He sat opposite Kristoff and gamely extended his own hand. Kristoff wrapped his fingers as far as he could around Oaken's palm and gulped when he saw they extended only as far as the first knuckle of his giant opponent's bear-like paw.

Anna gasped in awe at the contest unfolding on the porch. Elsa turned and saw Kristoff, for the first time, shirtless, straining against Oaken's eponymous strength as he struggled.

"Oh my god, Elsa look at him."

"What are they doing?"

"They must be fighting over who gets to join us."

* * *

"Fighting over us?"

Elsa chuckled - a sly grin crept across her face as she turned back to Anna.

"Why don't we give them something to really fight for?"

"What?"

Elsa glanced over her shoulder again - Kristoff still struggled to overcome Oaken's massive strength. Elsa slipped the shoulder straps of her suit down over her arms and pulled them free, Anna's eyes went wide.

"Elsa, what are you doing?" "What dad always said was the responsibility of a leader - providing motivation."

Not one to be left in the dust of adventurousness, Anna slipped off the top of her swimsuit and stood on the seat, an arm thrown across her chest to cover herself. With her free arm she waved to the Icemaster again.

"Kristoff! Fight harder!"

Kristoff's mouth gaped open with surprise and then turned and glared at Oaken, his lip curling into a snarl. He threw his free hand around Oaken's and summoned all of the might he could to urge the shopkeep's arm onto the tabletop. Elsa stood up on her own seat, her hands clasped over her breasts. Kristoff grunted as he threw the last of his strength into the effort, his back and shoulders bulging and straining against the mountain of muscle opposite him - anything was worth the topless company of a Princess and a Queen; even if his arms snapped he wouldn't regret it. Oaken turned and saw Elsa standing and waved to her with his free hand. The girls ducked back into the water and awaited the victor, their bare shoulders still showing above the water more encouragement than enough for their champion.

Anna called for him to win, but as it seemed he would fail, she grew frustrated and slipped the top of her swimsuit back over her shoulders. Anna raced across the porch to the table and thrust aside, taking Oaken's hand in her own. In a show of force as peculiar as Kristoff had ever seen, looking up from the floor, Anna single-handedly pulled Oaken's massive arm down to the table and hooted in victory.

"Now you may join us," she told Kristoff.

Kristoff looked up from the floor at his new love standing over him, her arms thrust in the air.

"How did you do that?"

Anna reached down and helped Kristoff up before leading him back to the hot tub.

Wandering Oaken looked down at his enormous arms and sobbed into his sleeve at having been beaten by so lithe and unassuming a girl as the Princess.

Kristoff followed Anna into the tub and sat beside her. Elsa smiled at the two of them as they kissed. Kristoff glanced aside from Anna with his right eye, to peek at her breasts, visible under the water. It didn't matter to him how exactly he had ended up there, Kristoff was proud to be in the company of the two women; the most peculiar in fortitude he or anyone else of Arendelle had ever laid eyes on.

Elsa noticed his eye and sat back against the wall of the tub, blushing at his second-hand embarassment more than any of her own.

And as the young lovers canoodled in the steaming water, their Queen relaxing beside them, shooting stars flew overhead in the summer sky - on the cart ride back to the castle in the early morning, Elsa smiled up at the stars fading away in the waxing sunlight, and knew a future brighter than all the stars in the sky lie ahead for the three of them if they would only stick together as they had that night - nothing would be too great for them to overcome, not for Arendelle, so long as love won the day.

The End


End file.
